Random? Yes. Profound? Always.
It all started my sophomore year of college. “The Book” came into being. “Let’s make memories!” Cassady said. I think Cass had a bad memory because she insisted we all write funny stuff down so we could easily reminisce about it later.
Well, here we are, almost 6 years later, and The Book (not to be confused with the real book – the Bible – of course) lives on. Don’t expect to understand all of the following quotes which are just excerpts from The Book. The stories behind the quotes are for another time and another day… or maybe never.
Will you receive the high honor of having a quote posted on this most amazing page? We shall see.
So how’s the Spain / West Germany [World Cup] game going?! – Tony B.rad
If you can’t find an idea you captured, it doesn’t exist. Being organized is the unsexy, but critical side of creativity. – Jon Acuff
I raced through school for 10 years. – Munsey
Mar: Either you are insane or extremely strong emotionally.
MA: Really? I just like to think I’m a bad ass.
What’s a “content center”? – Mar
(regarding my sneeze) It’s like listening to Audrey Hepburn sneeze. – Jen C.
(about going to a big movie like Harry Potter on opening night) Man, go to the movies with the freaks; it’s the best! – Branden
Gold is the Snuggie of investments. You buy it on late-night television, and it makes you look stupid. – Dave Ramsey
I’m gonna git you!
Raise the roof, raise the roof! Push the wall, push the wall!
Mar: Oh, that’s fine.
MB: You’re fine!
Mar: Oh, I know. Thanks for reminding me! You’re pretty fine, too. I’m only friends with fine people.
MB: Good call. I should ditch my unattractive friends. Lance will be the first to go.
Lance: I hate you more than I hate Tom Cruise.
Big, black and bold!
I want to be sure I’m turning into fine wine and not moldy grapes. – Caroleann
I ditch my friends for you as often as possible. (It’s the first time I’ve used it… so that makes it special, but it seemed to work so well that i may need to use it again.) – MB
Web marketing and creatives are BFF. I might even get a tattoo to that effect. – Jeff H.
I hope you have good plumbing. – Andy to MA
Sara S.: I think it’s so interesting that men here [in Russia] wear capris…
Mar: Uh, that’s Spencer. He’s wearing shorts.
If you cant’ think about Joel using the outhouse, just think about your ferret at home. – Mar to Sara S.
Mak-a-hock-a-no = our Russian pronuncation for McD’s
“Your mom” = Yanni
Today I wish I were on flex time because I’d like to flex my way outta here. -Jeff H
Crap is good. It cleanses your colon. – Andy
Mar: I am obsessed with the Olympics!
Clint: I am obsessed with American domination in the Olympics!
(in reference to the nearest Fazzoli’s being in Smyrna)
Jeff H: Suddenly, I think I should move to Smyrna.
Mar: Don’t move to Smyrna. It isn’t as cool as Franklin!
Jeff H: I know. But they have access to inexpensive fast-food pasta and some of the best bread sticks on earth. That might be worth sacrificing some coolness for.
You’re so awful. – Andy
When I was in Rome, it was about as perfect as could be. Well, actually, it would have been more perfect if I were there with a romantic interest and if I had not had torn a hole in my shoe, and if I had been a millionaire … but other than that – perfect. – Jeff H
Dayna: You should add some freckles to your leg.
Mar: Ok, get me a purple pen.
Props 4 da Pops!
I love my boss in the most non-gay way possible. – Morton
Instead of snacks, can we take margaritas into the movie? I think that’s what I want. – MB
Getting the quote of the day award is kind of like when you get your winter coat out of the closet and find a $20 bill in your pocket… a great surprise from a mundane action. – Jeff H
(regarding me taking notes in a meeting)
Daniel: By “secretary,” I mean Secretary of State, not Dolly Parton / working 9-5. You are like Switzerland … you can organize a meeting with folks from all over the building without drawing suspicion
Mar: Oh, and I really do like Switzerland. They have good chocolate and good mountains.
Mar: out of the mouth comes life or death.
Jeff H: and spit.
So all I do is what God tells me and then use spell check! – Dayna
I think I would die if I got off an elevator to see a big non-biodegradable pink pig staring me in the face. -MA
I now pronounce you man and wife, please buy a kit on your way out.” – Jeff H about DLo & FPU
MA: I love Mexican food. Some people from work and I have declared a tradition called Mexican Food Friday where we go to lunch at this place called Los Agaves every week. So yummy.
Mar: What does “los agaves” mean?
MA: I don’t know, but my best guess is freaking good Mexican food.
Jeff H: We may not have cathedrals, but we do have Dinosaur World.
Mar: Yes! in your face, Europe!
Oh, girl, I think about puff paint constantly. – Mar
Hamilton, Jackson, Franklin … men who WON’T let you down for a change. – Chris Russell
It’s something boys have that girls don’t. – one of my middle school girls describing “facial fair” while playing Catch Phrase
(in response to Heath Ledger’s death)
Mar: Why do hot guys just insist on being druggies?
Brian W: So ugly guys like us get the good girls.
Jeff H: Why are you calling me a druggie?
I’m craving Mexican… food, not men. – Mar
Whoever’s eating an orange, please keep eating it. – Chris Russell
MB needs thawing time. (for the frozen salmon, of course)
So I seriously just wrote an article about cordless jump ropes, and the best thing about it is the title: “Are You Trippin’?” lol. – MA
Repayment would violate the spirit of the Orbit Drawer. It’s completely free. – Jeff H
This story is like an unraveling sweater! – Meggie
Dude, don’t dog the pocket pen. That’s totally hot. It screams “I’m important. -MA
Why do some ppl just insist on being jackasses?
Dawn: They aren’t really people. They are actually jackasses in disguise.
Lance: Their mothers fed the corn flakes. WITH NO SUGAR!!!
Brad: Who? Like Dawn?
I’m scared of Christmas sweaters. It’s the sole reason i didn’t become an elementary classroom teacher. – MB
Mar: I think we should work to overthrow our table leader’s leadership. What about this…. maybe the table leaders are like people who pick their teams in kickball. I’m probably going to be picked last.
MB: I was SOOO almost picked last this past Friday. I was picked next to last – and that’s only cause once it got that far i started to pout. I stuck out my lower lip and made the “puss and boots eyes” (from Shrek, of course)
Mar: Out of the people on your team, I would totally pick you first to be on my Family Feud team!
Why doesn’t God love us that much?! – Mar (about Keith Urban singing IN the crowd and bringing a girl up on stage)
Umm, there’s a song on your playlist called “At the End of my Pirate Days.” Why would anyone put an end to their pirate days? – Clint
Summary of the conversation with Chris Dean & Cherry:
MB will marry a chicken farmer.
Marianna will marry a patient Haitian chicken farmer.
We can live on farms right beside each other and talk about chickens all day! The future is bright, MB!
Every Thanksgiving needs a little funk. – Chris Russell
Nothing says “Williamson County” like high rent and hot nails. –Mar
I work with this guy named Josh. He just came up to me and goes, “I hear you’re jumpin’ ship, you lucky piece of crap…congratulations.” – MA (about quitting her old job)
This dude I work with was taking around Krispy Kreme to people in my office and they were all saying no to doughnuts… “Man, I haven’t striked out this much since asking girls out on dates in high school.”
(during a game of Catch Phrase):
Dale: another name for idiot…
Larry: uhhh YOU!
With a font size of 4, you think there’d be some substance in there. -Courtney about some chick’s ridiculous resume
I damned it because you’re the one who got me caught up in that crap in the first place. And now you’re abandoning me to the hands of online junkies. – MA about MySpace
Uhm…..I want to say Papua Nugena – not sure if that is spelled right. Let me double-check. – Jason M.
We won’t make you smoke dope on stage or anything like that. Geez. – Dave (about being a hippie for the FPU reshoot)
He’s cute, but I don’t think he’s all that. HOWEVER, everyone else around here is drooling …even Lance. – MB
I decided that no one needs 40 Sharpies, but it was tempting. – Jeff H
What better way to spend a lazy weekend afternoon than listening to the brilliant words spoken by Dwight and Michael…or to look at Jim.
“This event spanned the contentment with attendees from California to New York and Florida to Oregon.”
Courtney: I didn’t even get it at first, which is the sign of a truly fantastic spelling error.
I am a geek because I am a HUGE fan of J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. If they were a rock band, I’d be the girl taking off my shirt and throwing my unmentionables at them. That’s about it. – one of Dave’s MySpace friends
It’ll be fine. We’ll just tell them there was an emergency – Mom got pregnant. – Erika referring to how we’d get her mom on the cruise if she couldn’t find her identification stuff
Mar: What’s “cruise jail”?
Ms. Teresa: I don’t know, but they’re bound to feed ya.
Gah, they feed you all the time around here that all I think about now is food. –Ms. Teresa
Cheesecake… I used to hate it. i also used to be an idiot. – Mar
He just lost a Backstreet Boy. – Dave (about the Lampo Biggest Loser winner)
Move it to picture! – Mar (about passing Chris Daughtry’s tour bus on the interstate)
Mar: Get this, there are 5 freaking wasps in my apt., and my roommate didn’t even call the clubhouse about it this morning.
Clint: You’re probably going to die.
Hola gargonzola . … I think I just said, Hello cheese. – Pax
If Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman were characters in Lord of the Rings, Dave would be Gandalf the Wise, spreading light and hope throughout Middle Earth, and Suze would be an army of machete-wielding trolls from hell, bringing chaos and darkness upon the world. – Joel
Ugh Michigan. The only thing about Michigan is that it’s close to Wisconsin, and Wisconsin has good cheese. – MA
I see you share my distaste for Atlanta. That city is such a mess it could get shredded by a tornado and no one would be able to tell a difference. – Joel
Mar: I need some stuff to dress up like an old lady…
Clint: I have some granny panties you can borrow.
You are a crap weasel. – MB
When I turn 5, I am going to play poker. – a little boy I babysit
Do I sense an uprising? A revolution against my coolness?? – Mike M.
You owe me a cat.
Ok, those directions are pretty easy. That means I will get lost. – Mar
This budget thing sucks. It took me forever to buy groceries, comparing prices and all that crap. – Tolley
Damn. – one person’s response to the Drive Free piece in their email they forwarded to a friend.
Norman, have you looked at your homepage today? – Brent
Math teachers are kinda hot in their own geeky sort of way. –Clabo
Thanks for not being a jerk. – Dave and Rick
As long as you have Nashville between you and the inlaws, you’re fine. – Beth T.
Our office area looks like a Mexican BBQ pit. – Mar
It’s Cyber Monday! Here’s to a super-galatic Tuesday in the year of our lord Emergence. – Sarah M.
At 5 am, I don’t think mercy is at the top of anyone’s list. – Mar (getting mad about waking Sarah up to go to the airport)
Geez, we’re like Betty Crocker split into 2 people. – Mar to MA
Did you hear that? if you hang up on someone, you’re going to Hell. Dave said. – Tolley
Are there interpreters for the humor-impaired?
Everyone in Washington is going to be watching to see what happens in Tennessee next Tuesday. Will we decide to pop the Corker, or will we drive a Ford to the senate? – Joel
I am not gonna be a skank. i am that every day. i need to be something different.
Never working but never bored. That’s my new motto. – Mar
(about becoming a web geek and saying, “submit a ticket…”):
Mar: but i’m gettin paid to do it.
MB: That’s what prostitutes say, too.
This is how we do it in Broadcast! Bill abuses someone, then pays them off to keep them quiet. It’s the Broadcast way. – Tyler
I wish I was as good at witnessing about God as I am about Origins. – MA
I read this article today about a ballpark that’s selling a bacon cheeseburger with Krispy Kreme glazed donuts as the buns. It has over 1000 calories and 50 grams of fat. I can’t wait to try one. – Joel
He has an accent like he’s from some other country, like Wisconsin, or Slovakia. – MB
(Tolley’s response to finding out about Joel’s Millionaire audition):
Can I please be the Phone-a-person. He could say, “I would like to phone Eric the pirate,” and I would be like, “Joel, my mattey, arrrrrrrrrrrr how are ya? Regis, you’re a scalywag.” Arrrrrrrrrrr, so A, B C or D?” and I would be like, “Arrrrrrrrrrr how the hell am I suppose to know that? I’m a pirate.”
u type lik u r n midul skul. – Lance
Doing our taxes.
We’re smokin’ … hot, not crack. – Mar